111. Who Should Choose My Spouse?
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- Should it be me?
- Should it be my parents?
- Should it be my siblings?
- Should it be my family?
- Should it be my friends?
- Should it be religious clerics?
- Should it be my mentor?
Give it due thought. Others could suggest or recommend, but the last word should be with you. The burden of a successful or failed marriage shall lie on you and this will be for a lifetime. Carry out your due diligence and make a wise choice.
112. Health And Physical Checks Before Marriage?
Sometimes, looks are deceptive. For some potential spouses, looks is a major determining factor. They may also not comfortably tolerate a spouse in bad health in terms of looks. Some cultures or traditions permit trusted 3rd parties of the same sex to make physical checks. They then give feedback as necessary
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113. Health screening
- Is there a need for it?
- Could it prevent the birth of sick children?
- Are the blood groups of potential spouses compatible?
- Could the ill health of a spouse affect the longevity and quality of the marriage?
- Will you be shy to request health checks? Will you rather live with possible consequences?
- Will you be secretive to your fiancée or fiancé? That is more of an individual judgement call. One can argue, that if this does more harm than good, it is probably better to be mute. If it, however, does more good than harm, especially in the long run, then it is probably more beneficial to share such with much wisdom and sensitivity. If there is no realistic need to share information then, it may be better to keep quiet.
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114. Domestic Chores
115. Who should do the domestic chores?
This has, traditionally, been the role of the wife and sometimes, the children. The husband is, traditionally, the bread winner.
Is there anything wrong with the husband helping? Can such regular helping hands add quality and longevity to the marriage. Are domestic chores as easy as they appear? What if both spouses are bread winners? What if the wife is the major bread winner? What if the husband loses his job? What if the husband becomes unwell or terminally ill? Is there wisdom in sowing seeds for rainy days or must the status quo continue without reason?
116. Who should do the cooking?
- Should this solely be done by the wife?
- Could the husband complement the effort?
- What if the husband is the better cook?
- What if the wife is a terrible cook?
- Is there a need to intentionally improve culinary skills for the spouses and children?
- Could this reduce the burden on the wife?
- Could other family members complement her efforts?
- Could this encourage independence?
- Could this help the family unit in the absence of the wife?
- Could this avoid a vacuum?
117. Delegation Of Domestic Chores
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In this day and age, where the wife may work to complement her husband’s income, it may be beneficial to share domestic chores. If there are children, they could also have their fair share. Some of the benefits are that it prepares them for adulthood, it also means that they become worthwhile stakeholders in the family.
118. Old and new traditions in marriage.
Men have traditionally been the family bread winners.
This has changed in some households.
Women have traditionally been the home keepers. This is no longer wholly true. Apart from the employment of housekeepers, other family members partake in this chore.
Marital unions have traditionally been heterosexual, now there are different variants of unions in the present. In some countries, marital unions were solely traditional. These days, such unions are complemented with white or religious weddings. In the past, sexual purity before marriage was a strongly held value but in this day and age, such has little or no place to stand. Additionally, meals were ‘properly’ cooked. These days, there is more reliance on microwaves, fast foods, etc
119. Cultural and religious traditions at the loss of a spouse
- Are there cultural and religious traditions at the loss of a spouse?
- Does there have to be a period of mourning?
- Does the surviving spouse have to be home bound for a period?
- Does the spouse have to dress in a particular way?
- Does the wealth of the deceased need to be shared accordingly?
- Do the looks of the surviving spouse need to change?
- Does the surviving spouse need to leave the matrimonial home?
These, and more, need to be researched in advance. After all, to be forewarned, is to be forearmed.
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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