31 - 40 Marital Food For Thought - Jack’s Marriage Project - Jack Lookman - empowering and inspiring generations - Empowerment and Inspiration

 31. Naming the children / Naming Ceremonies

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• Choice of names
• Compromise
• Who names the children?
• Grandparents?
• Parents?
• Father?
• Mother?
• How many names?
• Traditional names?
• Religious names?
• Secular names 
• Or a combination?
• Will the naming ceremony be lavish? Or modest?
• Will it be in your home? Or the religious place? Or a rented hall?
• What will be the budget?
• Who will you invite?
• Planning logistics for the naming ceremony
• Engaging the services of a religious cleric
• Entertainment
• Food and drink
• Animal sacrifice
• Birth registration
• Birth certificate

32. In-laws

• What’s your relationship with your in-laws?
• How do you manage them?
• Do you confide in them?
• Do you share marital secrets with them? 
• Do you have conflicts with them?
• Do you keep them at a distance?
• Do you harbour all their problems?
• Do you treat them with respect?
• Is the respect mutual?
• Do they get in between you and your spouse?
• Do you allow them control your family?
• Do you prioritise them over your family?
• Do you get along with them?
• Do you treat each other with mutual respect?
• Are there religious or traditional best practices?
• Do you gift them from time to time?
• Do you call regularly to check on them?
• Are you supportive to them in their times of need?
• Do they do likewise?
• Do you treat them with respect and dignity?
• Do you draw red lines for those whose behaviours are undesirable?
• Do you adopt the principle of ‘live and let live?’

33. Financial Matters

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• Investments? 
• Job loss?
• Joint planning? 
• Loss of income?
• Plan for different eventualities?
• Plans A, B, C?
• Rainy days? 
• Short and long term plans? 
• Easy going personalities?
• Volatile personalities?
• Accelerator and clutch?
• Lavish personality?
• Miserly?
• Strategic?
• Charitable?
• Budgets
• Prioritisation?
• Prudence?
• Financial planning

34. Religious Considerations

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• Religious conversions?
• Same religion?
• Same religious sects or groups?
• Consider old age?
• Consider the children?

35. Cultural Considerations

• Different cultures?
• Same culture?
• Similar cultures?
• Understanding individual cultures?
• Best practice?
• Communication?
• Compromise?
• Children?

36. Conflict resolution systems

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• Empathy?
• Listening skills?
• Marriage counsellors?
• Mediators?
• Religious clerics?
• Systems and structures?
• Trusted family or friends?
• Trusted others?
• Wisdom?

37. Managing Domestic Conflict

Conflict is inevitable, especially in marital unions.  You will get in each other’s way. You may have different perspectives on different issues.  How do you manage conflicts? Do you prevent them? Do you address them as they approach? Do you become dominant? Do you become aggressive? Do you become abusive? Do you become violent? Do you become rational? Do you pray for wisdom? Do you involve third parties? Do you reflect and find a solution? Do you jointly find a solution? Do you come to a compromise? Do you binge eat?

Do you find your joy elsewhere? Do you concentrate on improving your personality? Do you communicate with wisdom? Do you concentrate on finding faults rather than solutions? Do you let in the children, or third parties into conflicting moments? Do you seek a divorce or separation? What do you do?

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38. Divorce/ Separation

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• Accommodation?
• Children?
• Custody issues?
• Depression?
• Impact?
• Management?
• Mental health?
• Plan for the eventuality?
• Plans A, B, C?
• Prevention?
• Properties?
• Re-adjusting?
• Re-marrying?
• Alternative/ complementary income streams?
• Collaborations?
• Eggs in different baskets?
• Insurance?
• Investments
• Job loss

39. Loss of Income

• Plans A, B, C?
• School fees?
• Sickness?
• Side hustle?
• Survival?
• Adjusting to new reality?
• Bills?
• Cultural traditions?

40. Death

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• Funeral?
• Legacy?
• Life insurance?
• Loss of income?
• Medical bills?
• Mourning?
• Re-marry?
• Relationships with family friends?
• Relationships with in-laws?
• Religious traditions?
• Survival?
• Will?

Thank you very much for your time. 

This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)

Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).

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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and  Rita Nnamani 

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