51. When the going gets tough…
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Have you always lived a life of comfort with little or no troubles? Has your journey been sailing smoothly with nothing to worry about? And then, challenges visit your life not once, but in chunks? Could it be ill health? Could it be loss of income? Could it be relationship issues? Could it be debt? Could it be bereavement? Whatever it is, do you run from the problems or do you face them? Do you act alone or do you seek support? Do you drown in your sorrows or you find a way to better your tomorrow? Do you seek Divine Help or you’re too big to be humble? When the going gets tough and life humbles you, how do you react? Let this be some food for thought.
52. Income And Finances
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- Passive income
- Main income
- Investments
- Business Collaborations
- Owning assets and Properties
- Budgets
- Short and long term investments
- Stocks and shares
- Cryptocurrency?
- Business / Entrepreneurship
- Online business(es)
- Offline business(es)
- Joint or sole business ventures
53. Social Circles
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The environment and people around you have great impact on your personality. If you surround yourself with smart people, there’s a great chance that smartness will rub off on you. If you surround yourself with optimists, you’re likely to become an optimist. How do you choose your social circles? Do you leverage alumni from primary to tertiary institutions? From religious affiliations? From business and work pursuits? From landlord and tenants organisations? From social associations of interest? From online associations of similar minds? From family members that you resonate with? From mentors and coaches that add value? From one or more of the above or from none of the above?
54. External Factors
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- Do both spouses take marital decisions?
- Are the decisions influenced by third parties?
- Is the union controlled by external others?
- Are marital secrets spread far and wide?
- Is this of any benefit to the family unit?
- Is it necessary to have external influence?
- Is it better to have just a couple of confidants, those who’ll add value, and not fuel?
- Could these be people of integrity or people that you look up-to?
- Could these be people with honest opinions and people with maturity?
- Could these be constructive people who will add value to your union?
- Are they much better than the majority?
- Who may not give a care for your failure?
- Which external factors will you choose or maybe, you could solve all problems alone?
55. Managing Extended Family
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There’s a time and place for the extended family; they could make or mar your family unit. Do you give undue access to them? Do you give them very little access? Do you give it some thought, and take each case on its merit or do you just go with the flow, not minding the harm that could be caused? Do they add value to your union or do they breed negativity? Are they fun to be with or do they cause untold pain that is difficult to bear? They may be your extended family but your interests and those of your children should be uppermost on your mind.
56. Domestic Staff and Duties:
- Will you carry out domestic duties yourself?
- Will it be the exclusive duty of the wife or children or both or domestic staff?
- Will the husband partake in the domestic chores?
- Will you have a budget for this?
- Can you entrust the domestic staff to care for your children?
- Can you entrust the domestic staff to cook for you?
- Can you entrust the domestic staff to run the house?
- Have you researched the experiences of similar others?
- With the introduction of domestic staff(s), will the family dynamics change?
- Could it be a blessing or curse?
- Could a domestic staff free up time and energy?
- Could they reduce your stress?
- Could the stress actually be converted to other activities?
- Are domestic staff, necessities or needs?
- Can a domestic staff commit fraud?
- Can they be trustworthy or untrustworthy?
- Can they add or remove value?
- Will adequate checks be made before employing them?
- What will be their source?
- Will they be introduced by family or friends?
- Will they come via recruitment agencies?
57. Effective Communication
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Every successful relationship or marriage thrives on effective communication between the husband and wife. This also includes sound communication between the parents and the children. The big question is, do you communicate effectively with your spouse? With your children? With your relatives and in laws? With family, friends and associates and any additional others? Do you assume that they understand you? Do they assume that you understand them? Do you rely on textual communication? On verbal communication? On body language? Or a combination of these? Could effective communication prevent a lot of troubles and worries? Could it save a lot of resources? Could it help prevent conflict? Or do you consider it to be trivial until the reality dawns on you?
58. Bad company
Are you mindful of the effects of bad company on you, your spouse and family? They say, ‘show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are’. If you mingle with pigs, you’ll probably behave like them. If you mingle with smart people of integrity, so you may be. It's important to nick this in the bud. Once you see bad associations with your spouse or children, take immediate steps to address it. If you find difficulty addressing it yourself, seek counsel from respected others. Remember that the bad egg in the same basket, will sooner or later infect the good ones and when a house is built on weak foundation, the pillars will crumble sooner or later.
59. Marital Plans, Updates and Revisits
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Those in business usually have a business plan. They articulate it, update it, refine it and leverage it. Can you employ the same concept in your marriage? Can this add value to it? I don’t expect you to be robotic but it can, at least, guide you. It should be flexible, and can guide your decisions and actions. It can reduce guess work and can facilitate sound judgement. Also, it can be updated or modified as the need arises, so that all players could be on the same page and direction.
60. Best Practice
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Businesses leverage best practices so do academics, professionals, etc.
- Could you also leverage best practice?
- Could you research what works, and apply it to your marriage?
- Could you leverage good practices and avoid pitfalls?
- Could you save yourselves time and energy from learning only from your experience?
- Could you work smart instead of only working hard?
- Could you invest a few hours of research to save yourselves years of toil?
- Could you leverage biographies, autobiographies and memoirs?
- Could you consume content in text, audio or video?
- Could you do so, while still able or will you rather wait until it’s too late?
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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