6. Courtship
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Do you court before marriage? Is this a necessity? What are its benefits? What are its weaknesses? Will it involve pre-marital sex? Will it guarantee a successful union? Does this resonate with your spiritual or cultural beliefs? Is there a chance of terminating courtship? What if the courtship goes wrong? What if it leads to pregnancy? What if it leads to fornication? Are there spiritual and cultural best practices? Does courtship guarantee a successful marriage? Or will it increase the chances of such? Have you researched case studies? Will no-courtship guarantee a failed marriage?
7. Roles of Each Spouse
Are there traditional, cultural and religious roles? Could these be modified? Is there room for flexibility? Are traditional roles still realistic?
Traditionally, the wife takes care of the children and the home. The husband is generally the breadwinner. But these days some women are breadwinners. Some men are house husbands. The domestic chores are sometimes done by both. Caring for children is sometimes done by both. In cases of loss of income or ill health or death the dynamics change. Both spouses generally teach educational, moral and spiritual values to the children. They also teach cultural values.
8. Infertility
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Either spouse could be infertile. How do you manage this? If you are infertile? If your spouse is infertile? Do you seek medical help? Do you seek spiritual help? Do you ask for a divorce? Do you broadcast this insensitively? Do you conduct research on solutions? Do you reassure your spouse? Do you remain loyal? Do you explore extramarital sex? Do you commit adultery? Do you consider implications? Could this be a test of your loyalty?
What will you do?
9. Work
Here are some work related thoughts:
Will you consider a side hustle? Will you relocate for work reasons? Will you actively work on your earning capacity? Will you consider up - skilling? Are you happy with your career? Will you consider Entrepreneurship or business? Will you consider business collaborations? Will there be a family sole breadwinner? Will there be dual Breadwinners? Will you be proactive in getting a home near work? Will you have short and long term plans for work and employment? Will you intentionally find a family friendly employment? As well as a spiritual friendly environment?
10. If the wife is the Breadwinner or Earns more?
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How will you manage this? Will there be constant conflict? Will you be mature about it? Will you work together for the common good? Will you leak this to the world? Will you introduce your family secrets to the outer world? Will the wife remain respectful and obedient? Will you research best practice? Does any outsider need to know about your personal affairs? And if they do, will they add any value to your relationship? Do outsiders share their personal matters with you? Is your marital relationship more of your business than of others? Even in-laws may need not be privy to your affairs.
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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