71. Marriage Counsellor
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I have never used a marriage counsellor, but I guess that their role is to guide and maintain the marital process. Based on their experience and knowledge, they can advise if potential couples are compatible, or not. They ask individual probing questions professionally and advise potential couples on dos and don’ts. If marriages are going through difficult patches they could intervene and advice. Like other professions, they are paid for their services. Services could be offered remotely or in person. However, I reckon that physical interviews are preferable. That way, they could read the body language of clients more effectively and reach more professional conclusions.
72. Nagging
Are you, or your spouse, a nag? Always complaining and always irritated? Never satisfied? Always finding things wrong?
How do you manage this? Will you tolerate it for life? Do you avoid them? Do you ignore them? Do you understudy them? Do you have a defense mechanism? Do you seek advise? Do you research best practice? Do you react?
Or do you suffer in silence, digesting all the pain on offer.
73. Empathy
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Empathy is important. It is different from sympathy. Which is simply feeling sorry for someone. But in empathy, you have experienced what the person is going through and can now sympathize with the person. In empathy, you use the right words, making efforts to make them feel better.
74. Overbearing personality
Some people are actually overbearing. But I'm not sure it's best for a relationship. While everyone is important, it's not nice when people lord or dominate over others. There could be more friendly ways to express your opinion or thoughts without controlling others.
75. Demanding
Rather than being too demanding either on your spouse or children, you should lead by example. Also, where necessary, nudge them. Being hard on them may injure their emotions which may cause them to find solace elsewhere. Learn how to manage boundaries and make the most of communicating with your spouse or children.
76. Work-life balance
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Work-life balance has to do with asking if you want to get married to your job or family. It is easy to be consumed by your work when you're pursuing money. If you fall sick or even die, they may or may not send a condolence letter to the widow or widower. This is not to discourage you from taking your job seriously. Kindly understand that there's more to life than work. You should give time to work, play or social contact. On the other hand, you should not be too consumed by work that you can't get moral support from your social community or network.
77. Choice of career
After getting your degree, you should consider doing a budget for the kind of lifestyle you want, for survival, for transport, the kind of job you want, where you would stay. In perspective, what kind of job do you want that could make up for your family and budget? You should have both long-term or short-term goals. You may want to acquire relevant additional skills. If you're married, your wife may be working to complement your work. Ensure you create the right plan with your spouse to get the best of your career choice.
78. Mind your company
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Be mindful of the people you hang out with. The company you keep can have a big impact on your personality and life. If you move around with positive people, you will be positively impacted. On the other hand, moving with the wrong set of people may impact your marital life, family and children negatively. Ensure you move with the right crowd. It could be family, friends, social media, activities. Transfer same to your wife and children. Train them to move with the right crowd and never be afraid to leave the wrong ones.
79. Temptation
Temptation comes in many shades. As a lady, if you dress seductively, there is a high tendency to attract the wrong set of people. This may impact on your personality negatively in the long run. Your intention may not be to have sex, for example, yet the consequences may be dangerous. As a man, if you're too close to ladies, there may be temptations to go above expectations. Another temptation is finance. Sometimes, it is easy to take from what you are entrusted with, if you are heading a position of access to money. For the sake of your family, if you're going to be tempted by money, don't head positions you'd get tempted by money. Such as financial secretary, treasurer and so on.
80. Pre-marital affairs
Some people go into premarital affair to see if their sexuality is compatible with their proposed spouse. So, they jump from one bed to another. It is called fornication. You should consider your self worth. The truth is, you may have premarital sex, yet be dumped later by the man after you get pregnant. An instance is a friend of mine. He and his wife did not want to hold their wedding until the husband was sure of the woman's fertility. There were several miscarriages until a few years into the marriage. Please, keep your integrity and value intact. In my personal opinion, your husband or wife will respect you more when you keep your integrity.
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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