151. Managing difficult children
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- Leverage best practice
- Be attentive to their complaints
- Be just, and seen to be just
- Have rules and regulations
- Have rewards and sanctions
- Act with wisdom
- Be firm
- Avoid pitfalls
152. Resonance
When considering marriage, endeavour to be in resonance with the potential spouse, their immediate family, may be their extended family and their friends. If you cannot do so for all, at least prioritise the first two above and at least 40-60% of the others. This will help for a smooth sail in the marital journey.
153. Perfection?
Don’t expect perfection from your spouse. We are not perfect beings. You’re also imperfect.
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154. Spousal attractions
- Physical attraction?
- Intellectual attraction?
- Spiritual attraction?
- Character attraction?
- Financial attraction?
- Attraction due to fame?
- Domesticated attraction?
- Simplicity attraction?
- Personality?
155. Searching for a spouse
Where could your potential spouse hang out? Spouse via religious environment? Spouse via academic environment? Spouse via work environment? Introduction via family member(s)? Introduction via friends? Introduction via colleagues? Introduction via friends or acquaintances? Spouse via social environment? Spouse via professional engagement?
156. Sex
Sexual compatibility. This is a difficult metric to measure before marriage, except you explore the route of pre-marital sex.
157. Importance of sex and sex education in marriage
For some couples, having sex in a decent relationship is a major reason for marriage. They choose to avoid fornication or adultery. They prefer to keep the sanctity and sacredness of human existence. They are aware of the ills that can result from indecent relationships, both individually and societally. By any of the spouses constantly denying the other for sex, they would be opening doors of immorality, as the other partner may fall into the temptation of finding what he cannot get morally, by seeking it immorally.
- Pre-marital sex?
- Sexual problems?
- Sexual affairs?
- Sexual appetite?
- Sexual attraction?
- Sexual compatibility?
- Sexual desires?
- Sexual enjoyment?
- Sexual health remedies?
- Sexual health?
- Sexually proactive?
- Spiritual guidance?
- Virgins?
- Blood groups?
- Good health?
- Life threatening issues?
158. The Divorced
Divorce is a reality in our society that can happen to anybody. It doesn't matter your spiritual status whatsoever. So, do you prepare for your divorce? If you're not getting along with your spouse, maybe, he/she is spending more time outside than with you, or he/she is cheating; it could be lack of compatibility, it could be infertility. Are you prepared to manage your mental health? Divorce is a terrible thing that you need to prepare for, so it doesn't catch you unawares. As mentioned earlier, divorce can happen to anyone. Life still has to continue. If you're a family person, you may have to remarry when you have learned your lesson from your previous experience. One thing about your marriage is that you need to manage each other. No one is perfect. You need to be merciful to your spouse. Be accommodating and treat them with dignity.
159. The Widowed
This could either be the widow or the widower. In most cases, both don't die at the same time. Other times, the man dies first or otherwise. If one is widowed, how do you continue life? Is there a system or structure like pension, investment to manage your old age? You need a support system around you; religion, friends, etc.
It's important to know that we will all experience this reality. Hence, you have to prepare for this eventuality. You might seek professional help, discuss it with your spouse, have a social circle to support you.
160. Abandonment of the man at old age?
I hear stories sometimes of the abandonment of the man at old age. The woman spends more time with the children and grandchildren, leaving the husband/father to sort himself. This narrative is apparently common with Africans. To put it in context, the man, who is most likely the breadwinner, financed the children’s education, toiled and sweated for a decent family lifestyle. He may not have been a saint but I guess, no one is. And at his point of need he gets ‘deserted.’ I try to rationalise this. There may be reasons for the ‘desertion.’ He is probably of little or no value anymore. The wife may have re-strategised, investing more time in the children, so that her future may be secured. Or taking revenge for the husband’s past undoings or maybe, she feels the children need her more and the husband can take care of himself. These actions give cause to ponder.
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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