161. Marriage and Age
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162. Best age to get married
Generally, people suggest that the man should get married in his 20s or 30s once he has a good job and meet the demands of marriage. For some men, they may not be in this position until their 30s. I don't think it is a right or wrong answer. You have more energy to raise your children when you're young. You become more settled and matured. For the women, it is often said that their clock ticks faster, hence they are advised to get married in their 20s or as soon as possible. This has to be done cautiously. Since it is possible to marry someone who is not compatible with you. Above all, I believe it is important to pray and seek guidance before taking your marital decision.
163. Could marriages of good people fail?
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The simple answer is yes. Marriages of good people fail. Even those of religious people. There are different factors that come in to play when it comes to marriage. Some are:
- Incompatibility
- Sexual satisfaction
- External factors
- Infertility
- Wrong expectations
- Money matters
- Breach of trust
- Extra marital affairs
- Domineering spouse
- Health issues
- Pressure from work
- Wrong friends, associates and companions
- Etc
164. Is there a need for the wife to work?
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In the past, cultural and religious practices encouraged the man to be the bread winner, while the wife is in charge of domestic affairs. In this day and age, religious and cultural practices have probably been sidelined or reduced. We have very qualified women. Some of them earn more than their husbands. We also see house husbands where the wife becomes the breadwinner. The terrain and landscape has changed and couples are having to adapt as to whether the wife should work. I reckon that it is a judgement call, if it makes more sense. If that’s the way expenses could be met. If that’s the only option for food on the table, it may be considered wise. However, the couple need to brainstorm together, to optimise the use of the earnings. They can research accordingly and follow best practice. That way, the family benefits immensely from an unusual problem.
165. Leveraging individual and collective strengths
As couples, each of you have individual strength. And as a union, you have a collective strength. The man may be good at organising, making strategies or doing the physical works that are more hectic. The woman may be good at cooking, saving or managing money, and even looking after the children. If you have individual or collective strength, harness them for the common good. Think shot term and long-term. Bring together your resources for the betterment of your union and family.
166. Parents-In-Law
- What is their role?
- Should you follow them blindly?
- Should they dominate you?
- Are they a repertoire of wisdom?
- Do they have your best interest at heart?
- Can they help with child-minding?
- Can they help with care of grandchildren?
- Can they add immense value to the family unit?
167. Spouse or Slave?
Is your spouse your slave or your partner? Are you meant to be collaborators to share responsibilities? Are you meant to leverage each other as you have individual strength? Are you partners, reaching a desired destination together?
168. How do you Repair Marital Cracks?
- Do you involve religious clerics?
- Do you involve the elders?
- Do you involve family and friends?
- Do you involve work colleagues? Do you tell your troubles to the world—on social media or print media?
- Do you research the Internet for any existing best practices? Or do you amicably resolve your differences along with guidance from the Almighty?
169. Managing Relationship Cracks
- Do you watch out for hints in marital cracks?
- Are there observations from you or from your associates?
- Do you take steps to resolve this before they grow?
- Do you seek help and assistance if this become necessary?
- Do you have faith in the relationship and the family too?
- Do you consider the impacts on the children either sooner or later?
- Would you seek greener pastures which may not exist?
- Would you do your best and maybe compromise all these for your present, past and future?
170. Do you plan for bereavement or is it a taboo?
Do you do this in the subconscious or you make relevant notes? If you're involved in an accident, if you become unwell, if you're poisoned, if the above happens to you or your spouse, do you await the eventuality? Do you wish it away? Do you make contingency plans? Could this ease the pains of your loved ones? Could there be practical measures for sharing information, sharing password, having investment, making a will, insurance policies, etc.?
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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