171. Do you have a Plan B for Sickness?
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You may be very healthy now, but sickness could strike unexpectedly. It could be via a bug; it could be a pandemic. It could be cancer. It could be due to an accident. It could be a communicable disease. This could be for you, your spouse or your children. It could even be for parents or relatives. How will you manage this? Will you keep contingency funds? Will you have insurance? Will you wish away the reality? Would you prevent such an occurrence? Will you take each day at a time? Will you seek help from others? Will you crowdfund? Will you sell your properties? Will you pray? Will you rather not think of such and rebuke it by the powers that be?
172. Do you have a Plan B for Divorce?
If your spouse becomes adulterous, if your marriage isn't working, if your spouse becomes unbecoming, if there are financial pressures, if you're incompatible—whatever be the reason, if your partner decides to divorce you, do you have contingency plans? In your subconscious or in writing? Will you manage it when it becomes an eventuality or will you give some thoughts to it? Will you rather not think of it—after all, you're not in a marriage just for it to fail. Will you have conflict management plans involving religious clerics, elders and trusted others? Will you put systems and structures in place just to ensure it doesn't happen? Will you invest in marriage counsellors just to ensure you get it right? Will you spend time, effort and resources in ensuring that you choose the right partner, or if it eventually happens, will you resign to fate, taking consolation that you tried your best? Do you research best practices and mitigate the risk? Do you invest in mentors to guide you along the way?
173. Monday or Saturday Wedding?
Will you have your wedding on a Monday morning or will it be on the usual and traditional Saturday? Will you love to make it simple and affordable? Or will you like to spend beyond your means? Will you like to take a loan to finance your wedding in order to show off and make a statement and eventually take another loan if there has to be a divorce? Will you cut your coat according to your size and do what you can afford? Does an expensive wedding guarantee a happy or successful marriage? Does show off last for long? Are there benefits or challenges in small or big weddings? Is either or both of such weddings blessed? Give some thoughts to the above. Pray for guidance. Consult and make your decision as necessary. And of course, consult experienced others—or research best practices.
174. Loss of Income
Do you give some thoughts to possible loss of income? This can be due to problems at the workplace, due to government legislation, sickness, unfair dismissal, company going bankrupt, etc.
If you are the sole breadwinner in the family, how will you mitigate such challenge? Will you take preventative measures? Will you have your plans B and C? Will you have multiple income streams? Will you have investments? Will you have insurance? Will you empower your spouse to have an income? Will you save for the rainy day? Will you seek advice? Will you research best practices? Will you deal with the challenge only if or when it happens? Or will you wish it away and take absolutely no action?
175. Managing Teenagers
Teenagers are sometimes difficult as they go through developmental stages. Some of them become rebellious. Some question the status quo. Some have regular conflicts with their siblings and maybe with their parents. Some become unruly, wanting to have their say and way. Some no longer want to partake in domestic or other chores. Some question everything and anything, asking what and why. Some of their questions may be genuine while others may be just because they are rebellious. They, however, live under a roof. You feed them, clothe them and maintain them. You may be responsible for what they turn out to be or not to be.
176. Mind Your Company
Be mindful of the company you keep. Do you take onboard every friend and acquittance? Either at networking events, social events, or on social media? Do you remember the popular phrase; 'show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are?'
The truth is that your friends and acquaintances could have an impact on you and your family. You may end up acting like they do—talking like they talk and thinking like they do. You need to ask yourself some questions: Will their association benefit myself and family in the short and long term? Will their association add value? Will I be proud to associate with them? Do their ways and values resonate with mine? Could my family get added value from such association? Much as these thoughts apply to you, and by extension, to the members of your household or your family. If there's no positive resonance, you may consider terminating or reducing your association with such company. Even though, this may seem unpleasant, remember that nothing good comes easy. And that it will benefit yourself and your family in the short and long term. Your choice of company could make or mar you.
177. Recap of Marital Lessons
(on Polygamy, Sex, Wealth and Conflict Management)
178. Are there benefits in polygamy or is it polygyny?
As mentioned earlier, polygamy means one man to many wives in marriage. Are there any benefits? Is it forbidden? Is it recommended? Are there pros and cons? What are the pros and cons? Is that the way forward? Can it prevent extramarital activities? Is it more about a man having more wives or every woman having a husband? Are there benefits in extramarital affairs? Does it benefit society? Does it benefit the concerned individuals? Is it addressing a problem in the wrong way? What are your thoughts?
Is it okay to marry a spouse outside your culture, faith or background? Are there benefits? Challenges? Are there pros or cons? Is it just about a matter of love or about compatibility?
Are there any alternative to marriage? Is it having a girlfriend? Is it having a partner? Is it just cohabiting? Or is it not even having a spouse at all and doing it all alone? What's the alternative to marriage? What are your thoughts?
Is marital life a bed of roses? Once you get married, is that the end of your problems? Does marriage like every other things in life come with its positives and negatives? If you get married, does it improve your quality of life? Does it reduce your quality of life? If you marry the right partner, can it make your life better? And if you marry the wrong partner, can it make your life worse? Now, even if you marry the right partner, does that mean that you will live happily ever after without any challenges or difficulties? What are your thoughts?
179. Is there a place for spirituality in marriage?
Is marriage just about love and eating, having children, going out to functions together, having sex, etc.? What about spirituality? Is there a place for spirituality in marriage? Do you have a common spiritual platform? Do you go to the religious places together? Do you pray together? Do you leverage each other's spirituality? Where does spirituality stand in your marriage? Or is there no place at all for spirituality in your marriage?
180. What are the ingredients of a successful marriage?
Is it love or sex? Is it money? Is it compassion? Is it understanding? Is it maturity? Is it about endurance, perseverance etc?
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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Thank you for your contributions: John Tosin Adekunle and Rita Nnamani
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