201. Do you consider yourself and your spouse to be equal?
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Do you believe in equal rights? In my opinion, each of you is endowed differently. You have different qualities and probably different abilities. The way men are created, there are some qualities they have which will be beneficial for the union. Ditto for the wife. Now, in terms of the quality, I don't know about that. But what I know is that each of you is endowed with different qualities, and it is for both of you, as a union, to leverage each other's qualities, to respect each other's qualities and to work collectively for the betterment of your union.
202. Recap of Marital Lessons on Children and Wife Management
203. Why do you want to have children?
Will you have them just because they come by chance? Will you have them for a reason? Will you have them such that when you grow old you can rely on them to look after you? Will you have them to show off? That's my child. What are your reasons for having children? Will you have them just to add to humanity? Will you have them such that you can bring them up in good ways and then they could do good things for humanity? Or will you just have them to show them off? What are your reasons for having children? If you don't want to have children, what are your reasons? That's why all your whys should be very, very strong. If it's not strong, there's a chance you may not bring up the children very well, or that any little wind that blows will blow down your union.
204. About Having Children:
For some men they want to make sure that they try to stabilise the home. For example, if you have 3, 4, 5 children, there's a chance that your wife may not go outside looking for another husband. And for the wife, they may use it as a way of grounding the husband, especially if he's a responsible husband, because obviously he will have responsibilities that will keep him busy enough not to look outside for sex or extramarital activities. These, may be other reasons for having children.
205. Will that perfect marriage have its fair share of challenges?
First and foremost, there is no perfection anywhere. In my opinion, most of those people who you see smiling, holding each other on the streets, using the words: I love you; publicly showing affection and all of that; probably manage conflict from time to time. They have their challenges, they have their successes and so on. But at the end of the day, their why and their reason for marriage keeps them going. So, yes, they will look happy, on the outside, but most times, they have their fair share of conflict or discomfort. They have their fair share of tragedies too and sometimes, their fair share of luck. So yes, on the outside you may see them smiling and laughing and being so romantic in public, but their realities are best known to them. In my opinion, because we are all imperfect people, everyone has their fair share of challenges, and every marital union, has its fair share of challenges. So don't be fooled by their outward looks.
In most cases, there's no perfect union. Most successful ones make the best of what they have.
In summary, every marital union has its fair share of challenges and difficulties.
206. Will that perfect marriage have challenges?
Assuming there is a beautiful lady and a handsome man; both of good character, good behaviour, good family, good qualifications, good income, et cetera. If you ask whether they will have their fair share of challenges; in my opinion, they will, and history will probably prove that right. If you look at other couples that fit that particular model, you will see that while some of these marriages fail, some succeed. Generally, life is full of ups and downs. So even though a marriage looks perfect, in my opinion, it will have its own fair share of challenges and difficulties.
207. Do you intend to have children?
What if one spouse is infertile? What will you do? Will you go and indulge in extramarital activities and conceal it? If you are a woman, will you indulge in extramarital activities? And then, when you conceive, attribute it to your spouse? How do you manage infertility? Will you just accept it as the will of God, continue your life and make the best out of whatever is left out of your life? Will you divorce your spouse because of infertility? If you are a man, will you have other wives who will be able to give you children? What will you do if your spouse is infertile? Will you go for medical help, especially if you're a woman? Maybe, you better have fertility treatments that you can go through.
There are some things they do. Where anonymous donors donate sperm or you go to a sperm bank where you can get sperm to make your wife have children. Yes, it looks quite immoral but what will you do if you are in that situation? And then whatever you do, will you be able to live with it for the short and long term? Would it keep your union strong or would it destroy your union? What are your thoughts?
208. Dressing
As a woman, or maybe for your spouse, does she dress modestly and respectfully while she's outside? Or does she dress seductively, exposing parts of her body? Is this good? What is good practice? Is this something you want to accommodate in the name of freedom of expression? Could this entice other men to want to have relationships with her? Is this a good thing or is it a bad thing? Is it positive or negative? What are your thoughts?
209. Spousal interaction with the opposite sex?
Will you encourage it, or will you have a zero tolerance? Or will you have a mutual understanding that there should be red lines to interacting with the opposite sex? Yes, it may not be 100% possible not to interact with the opposite sex, but at least this could be done in moderation and this could actually be managed.
What are your thoughts?
210. Are you qualified for marriage, as a man?
Are you able to lead the family, or are you tender and very weakhearted? Are you able to provide for the family, which is usually the traditional role of the man? Are you able to protect the family from difficulties, challenges, et cetera? Are you able to be the man in the family or are you a coward? As a woman, there are probably some traditional rules. Are you able to perform them? for example, cooking, looking after the house, et cetera. Are you able to look after the children and bring them up to be good citizens and good adults? As parents, are you able to imbibe good qualities in the children, good mannerisms, good spirituality, good interpersonal skills, etcetera? Marriage comes with its challenges. Are you able to face up to the challenges?
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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