221. Could you marry someone of different faiths?
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Maybe you are a Muslim and he or she is a Christian. Or maybe you are both Christians but of a different denomination. Will you marry someone of different faiths?
This can also extend to whether you can marry someone of different culture or maybe different educational qualifications. Now on one hand, if you marry somebody who is compatible with what you are doing, then maybe, that may not be much of a problem. Or if you marry somebody who is able to live with it, maybe, it may not be a problem, but another thing to consider is that you may be going on a journey in different directions and this may also impact the children. So, I guess the ideal situation is to marry someone of the same faith, maybe same culture and same life persuasion. That way, it makes the journey easier and more manageable, and then you see life through the same pair of lenses. This is just my opinion.
222. Can you marry a wife who is more qualified than you?
For example, maybe you have GCSE qualifications and she has a degree. Or maybe you have a bachelor's degree and she has a PhD and she's a professor. Can you marry someone like that? Or as you go on in your marriage, maybe, you stopped at your bachelors while she continues to accumulate degrees. Will you feel comfortable? Will you feel threatened? Will you be able to accommodate the fact that your spouse is more qualified than you? For some people it works out and they manage it, but for some other persons, there's a bit of inferiority complex and for the woman, maybe superiority complex. But for some who are able to manage the situation, they take the pros and avoid the cons, so they make the best of that situation. For example, you are a bachelors person and you're able to do the grit and all that. You can make money while your wife is the academic one. So, when it comes to academic issues, you throw that to her but when it comes to making money, then you know you're doing that. So, for some people it works, but for some other people it does not work. However, you need to make a judgment call as to whether it is something you can manage or whether it is something you cannot manage. The sooner you sort that out, the better. Otherwise, there may be implications sooner or later.
This is about if the wife is the sole or major earner. If your wife is the one earning, if she earns more money than you, or if you lose your job and she becomes the full breadwinner, is it something you're able to manage? Will you feel inferior? Will you become violent? Will you manage the situation? I know of someone who didn't have a job but the wife was earning good money. What he did? He would collect the money and manage the money and then, he was able to turn the money over and over so that way, they were both happy. So, in your case, if your wife is the sole earner or the major earner, is it something you can manage? Is it something you can plan for? Or is it something you're going to overlook?
223. Will your wife retain her maiden name?
Will you accept this, or will you let her have a double barrel name? Or will you just let her have only your surname? Or will you even a let her have your first name and surname as a double barrel word? Now it depends on your situation. For some people they allow their wives to maintain their maiden name. For example, Islam allows the woman, in fact, encourages the woman to maintain and retain her maiden name. However, in some faiths, the woman has to bear the surname of the husband, and for some other couples the woman may have a double barrelled name or so. However, the question remains, if there's a divorce, I'm not praying for a divorce, but if there's a divorce, or if the if the woman has had multiple divorces, will it affect her in terms of her name?. If she remarries, due to bereavement, could this be a problem? This can have implications because her documents will continually change and this can be a big mess for her. For Muslims, where the wife is encouraged to retain her maiden name. On the one hand, it helps her trace her lineage and on the other hand, in case of divorce or bereavement, things become easier to manage. Her title may then become ‘Ms’ or suitable other.
224. Which type of children will you bring up?
Will you pamper them, until they are are spoilt rotten, building false and unsustainable foundations? How will you bring up your children? Give it some thought and explore what may work in the short and long time. Yes, there may not be anything wrong with spoiling them once in a while, but if you spoil them continually, they may end up being rotten in their adult age. And in some cases, when they cannot maintain that lifestyle, they may become engaged in stealing and things like that. So please, give it some thought.
225. Bereavement and death
Now, I know this is probably a taboo topic, but yes, I shall still mention it, because it's part of life's reality. Do you prepare for sudden death, or do you think it's a taboo? Either spouse or children can pass-on anytime. It can be due to sickness, accident or whatever. For such possible eventuality, is this something you prepare for? Will you write your will? Will you have insurance? Will you make it a matter of urgency., and carry out due diligence? Will you ensure that the burden on your loved ones is minimised? Will you have a funeral plan? Do you prepare for such an eventuality, or is this something you prefer to avoid thinking about. Will you wish it away? Will you deal with such, if it ever happens, when it happens?
One of the realities of life is death. People pass away at any time; and it could be adults, youths or children.
226. Due diligence
Do you have marriage mentors or marriage counsellors? Do you read biographies or autobiographies of other people? Both those of who had failed marriages and those who had successful marriages? Do you consume content on marital issues, both positive and negative?
The reason I've mentioned positive and negative, is, so that you could leverage good practices, and avoid pitfalls. Do you consume relevant content, in text, audio or video? Or would marriage sort out itself irrespective of whatever you consume and act, or not? Please give that some thought.
227. Your associates
There's this popular saying; “show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are.”
The type of people, yourself, or spouse associate-with, will usually have an impact on your marital and family life. It’s good practice to move with the right set of people; those who share your values, who are progressive, inspiring, etc. It’s equally important for the children too. If the children associate with positive people, who are result oriented and optimistic, it’s likely that it will rub off on them. If your spouse moves around with the right crowd, who are desirable, with a positive mindset; who are achievers, and forthright; who are trustworthy, etc; there's a big chance that they would share similar traits. But if they move with negative and undesirable people, this may eventually have an impact on the family.
228. Could Your Marriage Succeed If You’re Poor?
Some poor people have successful marriages. But this could come with strains and a lot of sacrifices. In metropolitan cities, this may be an extreme rarity from the norm.
Even though riches may not be the main reason for marriage, living a comfortable life may enhance the quality on offer.
229. Is There Any Wisdom In Retaining Your Maiden Name?
In some religions and cultures, married women use the surnames of their husbands. This has in most cases been very historical.
However, in the advent of divorce, bereavement or re-marrying, it could become a bit messy.
You need to deal with issues of documents and identity.
In some dispensations, women are encouraged to keep their maiden names. And in some, they may have double barrelled names.
Some families insist on either alternative.
Irrespective of the reasoning above, it could however be an incentive to hang on in the marriage for good.
230. Could Marriage Add Value To You?
Marriage could potentially add or remove value.
If you get it right. Choosing the right spouse. Have supportive stakeholders. And other things fall into place; then your value could be greatly enhanced.
However, if the opposite happens, it could greatly reduce your value, or even destroy you.
It’s therefore very wise, to give thought, time, effort and prayers in choosing your life partner.
The last thing you may wish for, is to pour all your efforts of labour, into leaking baskets.
Thank you very much for your time.
This is Jack Lookman signing off. Ire o (I wish you blessings)
Ire kabiti (I wish you loads of blessings).
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